Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
