i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Randomize
