dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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