i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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