Don't make out with my wife yet
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Randomize
