happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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