Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
