then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
