I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
