New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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