My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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