Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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