there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
