i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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