I can't breathe out the right side of my face
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
