Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
