So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
So apparently I’m into choking now
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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