just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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