there were more penises there than on chat roulette
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
