Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
