Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
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i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
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My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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