I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
