Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
