Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
