I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
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