9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
