I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
soo... how was my night?
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
