He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
