look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
