She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
