Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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