ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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