is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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