It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
