Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
i was born a porn star she said
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?