i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.