Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.