Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM