Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.