Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
