Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
