so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
