thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
