her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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