it's too hot outside to masturbate.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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