Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Randomize
