I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
