I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
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