Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Randomize
