At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
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