I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Randomize
