I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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