Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
