people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
