Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
