just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
