I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
