Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
