I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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