Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
