I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
