By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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