dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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