Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
