i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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