I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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