Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
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