No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
