I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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