Cold hands, warm shart.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Randomize
