please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
