M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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