Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
