guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
