Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Randomize
