Redeem this text for a blowjob
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize