you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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