Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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