yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
