dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
