I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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