At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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