wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
