Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
