She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
