No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Randomize
