Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
