At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
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We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
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They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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