I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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