So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
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