have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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