I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
